Hetalia Flash
by xx-KuroViolet-xx
Summary: Put down those firecrackers Korea! And geez, Britain, America is a little more then just 'off' today. Now where is Italy? Still doting over Romano? Yeah, I thought so. (Welcome to series of flash fics. Please, take a seat and enjoy the show.)
1. INTRODUCTION

_~ooOo0oOoo~_

Welcome.

I'm pleased to see you could join us. Please, take a seat. Comfortable? Good.

Now, before we begin...

Flash fiction are short stories ranging between 53 and 1000 words. Why an odd number like 53? I'm afraid I can't tell you.

Hetalia Flash is a humorous series of very short, nearly plotless oneshots that are meant to be amusing. Please forgive me if I'm in any way out of character, and kindly note that there will be no unofficial pairings.

Now, for what you came for:

Let's see what random shenanigans the nations are up to, shall we?

 _~ooOo0oOoo~_


	2. Where?

"Hey, Japan~!" Italy yelled. "I have- WAAAAH!"

Italy suddenly tripped. Before he hit the ground he stopped just short of a katana Japan swiftly pulled from nowhere. He jumped further than a meter back when he saw the blade.

"Wait! Don't hurt me! My family is poor!"

"Oh, I'm sorry... " Japan said as he pulled his sword away. "You startled me."

"Japan," A curious England called, being a witness of what just happened. "How _do_ you do that?"

"Do you mean the sword thing? He does that all the time." The suddenly-calm Italian answered first. "Ve~ Once, he pulled a rice ball out of nowhere in the bath while Germany and I were visiting. And it was dry, too."

"Alright... But _how_ , exactly?"

"Yeah, actually, how do you do that?"

"Er..." Both pairs of eyes were on Japan. "Well... it's hard to explain... It's a trick China-san taught me a long time ago..."

"Ah... Yes, that makes sense." That satisfied Britain. He had witnessed China build more than one China Town in mere seconds after all. With that he walked away.

On the other hand, Italy didn't really get it, but he didn't really care too much either. He continued to stand there curiously. Japan returned his sword to wherever he grabbed it and looked at the Italian before him. "There was something you needed me for?"

"Oh right!" Italy remembered. "I made some pasta!"

* * *

 _This... is to keep myself creative. ...And to become a better writer. I'm not very good, but the only way to become a better writer is to write. By the way, there isn't meant to be much of a plot found in these. Just... brief entertainment._


	3. But I WUV you!

One day long, long before the nation's usual shenanigans, England was seated outside, preparing to dine on his afternoon tea. His young colony America rushed toward him. "England, I love you!"

"Oh, is that so?"

"Yeah! SO can I have some pudding?" The boy asked with growing eyes.

"You haven't eaten anything for dinner yet, so no."

"Please~?" America pleaded.

"Well... How about after dinner?"

"But England..." Little America whined. "I _WUV_ you..." And he gave the older nation that you-know-you-can't-resist-me look.

"America..." England sighed, defeated. "...Oh, alright."

And then many, many years later...

"Would you _kindly_ stop rummaging through my fridge and go home?" Britain shot at the American invading his kitchen yet again.

"Take a chill pill, Iggy, I'm not hurting anything. Can I have some of this cake?" America turned to Britain, holding a chocolate cake he found.

"No, you cannot."

"Aw, c'mon!" America pouted.

"I said _no_ , lard-arse."

"What if I said I _WUV_ -"

"It wouldn't work, now go away!"

* * *

Lard-arse _, a term graciously donated by my British grandmother._


	4. Romano's Eruption

It was about ten forty when the phone rang...

Romano looked at the caller ID. It was his brother. He answered, "Yeh, what?"

"Romano! Romano, are you okay?" Veneziano cried into the phone. "I heard about what happened this morning! You're not hurt or anything, right?"

"No, I'm not. The earthquake didn't even happen here, idiot."

"But it was close, right? And there's a chance that Colli Albani could erupt now after what happened-"

"Stop worrying about it."

"But I can't! It's only a few miles away from where you live! What if it isn't dormant like we thought?"

"I'm hanging up now. Bother somebody else."

"What? Wait, but-" Romano dropped the call, cutting Veneziano off.

Hours later, Romano arrived at home after a tedious day of dealing with his half of the country's current situation. After taking a step inside he only took note of a mysterious yet delicious smell for a moment before the younger Italy brother peeked at him from the kitchen. As his brother grinned and bounced his way down the hall, Romano quickly processed this and clenched his teeth. "Romano~! Come inside, I made some lunch for us."

"What do you think you're doing here?-!"

"Ve~ Well I decided to come here and see you to make sure you're alright. Oh, here's your spare key. I couldn't put it back."

Romano grabbed the key and gritted his teeth. "I told you I was _fine_."

"Huh? Yeah, I know. Do you want some risotto?"

"No. Leave."

"But-but-I-" Veneziano cried. "They say the volcano could erupt soon! What if you _die_?"

"I'm not going to die, you stupid. Quiet down."

"But Romano..."

"Fine, whatever! I don't care, just stop whining!"

And thus the day went on.

* * *

 _For those who don't know (and because this chapter didn't really explain it very well), back in 2016, during August, Mount Vesuvius, a volcano about 150 miles away from Rome, erupted. When it did it somehow reactivated what everyone thought was a dormant volcano closer to Rome called Colli Albani. So now, it's possible that it could eventually go_ **BOOM** _and take out Italy's capital. I had a bit of trouble researching this. The media is incredibly vague. It's really hard to connect dots when they don't show them to you._

 _'Till our next meeting, world._


	5. Romano's Eruption 2

A undetermined amount of time later...

"Hey, Romano~?" Spain called as he peered into the entrance way of Romano's home. "I brought churros~."

Spain wandered down the hall and looked into the kitchen where he saw both Italy brothers seated at the dining table, eating what smelled like fresh risotto.

"What did you do, burn it?" Romano asked.

"It's a new sauce? Like it?" Italy responded.

"Eh."

"Sounds good. Can I try some too?" Spain stepped into the room with a smile, and both brothers looked in his direction.

Italy smiled back. Romano, however, did not. "What, is there a party here today I don't know about?" He asked harshly.

"I just wanted to see if you were doin' alright."

"Then why didn't you just call?"

"Ah, you know, I'd rather see you. And here's your spare key. It was hidden pretty tricky, I have to admit."

And as Spain and Italy continued to smile, Romano smacked his head on the table.

* * *

 _An extended ending to Romano's Eruption._


	6. The Unexpected

"They say to always expect the unexpected, right?"

"Yes." Japan replied simply to South Korea. The latter nation had spontaneously invited himself into the former's home for some reason. Japan couldn't say he was too pleased about this.

"Well, were you expecting THIS?-!"

 _BANG!_

A firecracker. "Um..."

Not a moment later Hong Kong peeked into the room. "Hey, it work?"

"Not even a flinch! Retreat! RETREAT!"

And with the sound of another firecracker hitting the floor (and maybe an ornament or two crashing to the floor), Hong Kong and South Korea were gone.

* * *

 _Ehhh..._


	7. Pictonians Return?

"Germany, come quick!"

"What is it now?" Germany asked the Italian that had just run into the room, not bothering to look up from the book he was reading.

"I saw a Pictonian upstairs!"

"What?" Now he looked up. "Impossible. How could they be back?

"I don't know, but I saw one- a Pictonian- in the spare bedroom, and it looked angry!"

And so Italy lead Germany to the spare room, or rather, Germany led with Italy cowering and hiding behind him.

Upon arriving, Germany concluded that the only mysterious thing in the room was Japan, who was spending the night in Germany's home. When he noticed his allies in the doorway, he looked at them oddly. "Good evening?"

Italy peeked around Germany. "Japan, what are you doing? Get out of there!"

"Excuse me?"

"He thinks he saw a Pictonian. Do you have any idea what he could be talking about?" Germany asked, concluding that this short endeavor was a waste of time.

Japan thinks. "Yes, I think I do. Could he be talking about Tony?"

"Tony?"

At that moment Tony walked out of the closet eating a hamburger. Tony being Tony, there was a muffled swear.

"WHAAAAAT?-!"

"I believe he has been following me ever since I last visited America." Japan explained.

"And how long is that?"

"Sixty two days. I've been keeping track."

* * *

 _I love the light plots of flash fiction._


	8. Pictonians Return 2

"Germany! Germanyyy!"

"I'm trying to work." Germany said to the frightened Italian. "This had better be important."

"I saw-"

"If you saw a koala bear in your room and it scared you, you can thank Australia."

"No, no! I saw a Pictonian outside!"

"This again…"

"It really is this time! Come look!"

Reluctantly, Germany followed the Italian outside (or he would be following if following were backwards and the person leading was behind you, hiding). "Where is it?"

"Over there! In that bush!" And sure enough, a white head was poking out of the bush.

" _Nein_! I will not have my planet taken over _again_!" Germany drew a gun out of nowhere and shot.

 _POP!_

"Heeeeeey," a young boy's voice whimpered, gripping a deflated balloon and peeking above the bush, "what was that for?"

"Germany, it's still alive!"

"Dummkoph, it's only Sealand."

"Oh, hey, it is! What's he doing here?"

"I'm glad you asked! I'm looking for my fellow micronation called Reichsbürger, um, bewegung! You couldn't tell me where to find him, could you?" Sealand piped, and Germany sighed indignantly.

"Go home."

* * *

 _Germany doesn't recognize Reichsbürgerbewegung as anything._

 _And according to spell check Sealand isn't recognized as a word either._


	9. Who's Who?

"Good afternoon, everybody..." America _ahem_ ed softly. "Um... I think we should start the meeting soon..."

"You _think_?"

There was a moment's pause as America thought. "I mean... we're starting the meeting _now_... because... I said so."

Britain looked slightly bewildered. "You're a bit off today. Did you catch another cold?"

"Uh, no, he's fine," Canada intervened, and then he coughed. "Must've caught mine."

"Err, right. Canada..."

"Yeah?"

"Something seems different about you, too."

"Oh, Angleterre~!" France flounced into the room merrily. He looked at America oddly as he stopped. "Hm? Canada, what are you doing copying America's terrible fashion sense?"

America _ahem_ ed again, avoiding France's gaze, and Canada slid into his view. "What d'ya mean? I'm right here."

"Oh, please. You think I can't tell you apart? Your faces may be similar but only my colonie douce inherited these gorgeous locks." France gushed, petting his own hair.

"Ah, man!" America, dressed as Canada, dropped Kumojirou and shook his head, his cowlick pushing up through his combed fringe. "Dude, I told you you should've straitened your hair!" Canada sighed in response.

Britain looked between the two, slightly perplexed. "Did I... miss something?"

"Just get out of that hideous attire soon, s'il cous plaît," and France flounced away.

There was a short silence before Canada _ahem_ ed once more. "My voice... I think I spoke too-"

"Who're you?"

America noticed the bear looking up at him. "Me? The HERO, of course!"

* * *

 _STAYING IN CHARACTEEEERRRRR!_

 _...It's not easy._


	10. Por Una Cabeza

Just as France was turning up the thermostat, Prussia burst through the front door. "Alright, the awesome me has a great announcement!"

Neither France nor Spain said a word.

"Por una Cabeza!"

"Quel?"

"What about it?"

With a hand on his hip, Prussia looked to Spain. "What kind of demented song compares women to horses, huh?"

"I asked myself that too, once, then I listened to the entire song. It's really somethin'." Spain said, smiling as he usually does.

"Ah, Pour une Tête," France sighed. "Mon ami, I'm stunned as to how you even heard of such a work of art, let alone became so intrigued by it."

"My _awesome_ score on Piano Tiles, obviously," Prussia answered.

"Your score...?"

"Yeah, my highest! Really cool, right?" Prussia removed his jacket and threw it at Spain. "Geez, it's hot in here."

"Oh, sorry," France smirked. "Should I leave?"

* * *

 _There's a remix of it, actually. For some reason I just love the way it sounds. I don't really care for the lyrics though._


	11. I'm Not Barney

"Hello?" Germany answered the phone, stopping short on his way out for an evening stroll.

"Listen up, blondy," a raspy voice buzzed. "I have your cute Italian companion secured in my clutches. If you ever wanna see him again you'll do precisely as I say."

Germany frowned. Of course, on his only weekend off...

"I want twelve cases of beer delivered to the coordinates you'll receive momentarily through text, and not that dry stuff either, got it?"

"Enough, brother. I thought you were out of country."

"I'm not your brother," the voice glibbed, "...but I hear that guy's awesome."

On the other end of the line in the static of the background there was a crash. "Whoops!"

"Ah! Ita-chan!-? What happened to my magazines!-?"

"Waaah! It's spreading! Someone HELP!"

"Get the fire extinguisher! Get the-"

The line went dead.

After a short moment Germany slipped his phone into his pocket and double checked he had his wallet. Tonight suddenly seemed less like a nice-relaxing-stroll night and more like a have-a-few-drinks night.


End file.
